slice of life:

EsorYlime: incensed existentialist
namamup: good, i guess.
namamup: wow
EsorYlime: band name!!
namamup: my thoughts exactly...
namamup: i'm getting lazy
namamup: "majority society as is cannot coexist peacefully with weirdos"
EsorYlime: hahahah
EsorYlime: uberprofundis
EsorYlime: band name!!

I think the secret to acing English is the right combination of the following phrases:

"complex"
"a certain muted bitterness"
"wrong moral choices"
"[insert teacher's opinion here]"
"Christ figure"
"ambiguities"

Ramen, raaaaamen noodles, king of the wild frontier!

...essays!

...not doing english esays, not doing english essays...
(look i even misspelled it)

I'm a weird one. This morning I declared myself to be a "horrible person" for waking up at 10:30 (two hours later than usual). Went for a six-mile bike ride in freezing windy weather. Decided that carrying my dirty dinner dishes (alliteration!) to the kitchen was very difficult without a tray. Stupidly mentioned that some of my friends do drugs in a conversation with the parents (the same parents who let me go to my first co-ed sleepover after I said, "how do you know I'm not having wild lesbian orgies at the all-girl sleepovers?"), who glared at me and asked a lot of questions (what kinda drugs? pot. do your other friends approve of this? no, we think it's a dumb waste of brain cells. does the host of the new year's party do drugs? i don't think so...). Heh. I really wouldn't want to go to a New Year's party populated entirely by my pothead friends. "Hey, guys, want to put on some music?" "Shut up, I can't hear my hand."

Snow flurries in Southeast, full moon over Dupont Circle, random meeting of an old graduated friend at the GSA party and me going with him to Soho where we shared mochas and secondhand smoke and conversation with some blond dude. The outcome of the conversation was that men should burn in hell. Good times, good times.

"mushroom bitchzone" (bitch-zo-nee) would be the BEST band name EVER!

So, Time Magazine made Mayor Rudy Giuliani of New York its person of the year. The back cover of the magazine features an advertisement calling the Dodge Ram the "Mayor of Truckville." In a town called Truckville, this truck is THE MAN!

( EsorYlime: in a town called Loserville, you are THE MAN!
NamamuP: in a town called Goodtimelastnight, your mom is THE MAN! )

...isn't there more to life than writing crap for Bryn Mawr? (Rationalize all you like, Emily, there really is not. Except chocolate, cats and digital photography. And the occasional naked Canadian.)

Heh. Did I say green? Or triangles? Ignore me.

Now that I'm not spending the day with Deb, the plan for the day might be an OAC redesign. I have it on paper. I just need to figure out how to translate it into css/html. think green/blue/yellow and some triangulation.

My cousins are actually more sarcastic than I am.

oh, and pecan pie.

So last night there was the opening of presents. I received the triple goodness of Dar Williams's Mortal City, Patti Smith's Horses and the promise of Moxy Fruvous's Live Noise arriving in the near future. Then came the incredibly generous surprise: I had asked my mother for a camera that, unlike the one I have, would function in anything other than bright sunlight. But what appeared under the tree was, in fact, a camera of the digital variety. Oooh, yeah. Expect some pictures as soon as get it working.

Then the gifts began to take on a, shall we say, theme. Warm pajamas, a big mug, a keychain thermometer, a heavy jacket, a Polartec hat. My parents are no doubt sending their spoiled daughter to Minnesota very soon.

Did I mention I saw Amelie yesterday? Best movie ever!

and I saw State and Main today. Good stuff there too.

Tea! Movies! Cookies!

Tea plus emily equals happy Emily.

and so this is Christmas...right? Yeah, um, I'm not exactly in the spirit. for one thing, I'm rather ill. Somehow I managed not to miss a single day of school all year, and the very day that break starts, I find myself congested and achy and coughing. And having to go to work tomorrow. Thus, I drink tea and lie around the house in hopes that St. Nicholas will bless me with health, or at least the ability to lift trays. (Eh, if I survived Saturday night at work, I can survive Tuesday morning-and-afternoon, can I not?)

Maybe cookies will make me more festive. Cookies it is.

Last night, I dreamed that I woke up to a few inches of snow on the ground and school being delayed by two hours. I woke up at ten AM and saw no cars in the parking lot, so I had no way of getting to school on time. So, I figured, it's a day off. Then my mom and the groovemobile showed up, and she said that since I wasn't going to school, we were going to visit Penn State's nonexistent downtown Philadelphia campus. So we drove to the train station and were on our way. When we got there, I met up with Natalie, who apparently went to school there. She showed me their famous chapel, which looked like the Lincoln Memorial but with pews and stained glass. I demanded that she show me some dorms and classes but instead she took me on a tour of the complicated dining hall kitchens.

Anyway, it's winter break and I just spent the morning recreating scenes from the Lorax in fabric paint on pillowcases and that's what counts.

"the dripping parrot maneuver!"

no more band names for you, child.

all fudge and no work makes space a dull cheese

In my ideal universe, the punk rock scene would be dominated by Suitcase Font, A Robot Named Barbara, and The French Munch. Ohhhh yeah.

"So, Emily, should you and Joe be dragged out into the street and shot?"
"Yeah!"

i says, "So we're having a GSA party on Wednesday - "
he says, "I bet you'll have a good time. Gay, perhaps."
i says, "Sure, but it'll probably be weird. Or should I say queer."
he says, "I'm going to leave now. Bi!"

"Entertainment Tonight" would be a lot better if the anchors would add "because they are dumb" to the end of every sentence. "Soandso bought a $200 designer dress for her new baby, because she is dumb." "Soandso and soandso's marriage broke up after twenty minutes because they are dumb." "Soandso has agreed to host the new reality TV show because he is dumb."

Anyway, I have an update: the boy in the Zorro costume from the queer party was straight. Sadly (for me, anyway), a (bisexual) friend of mine has claimed him if we ever chance to meet again, as she was the one kicking herself all weekend for not getting his number.

Blogger has had issues, not me.

Me: Mom, I was wondering, does Macarthur Boulevard ever connect to River Road?
Mom: They're basically parallel, I don't know if they ever meet. Why?
Me: I missed an exit and got kind of lost on Macarthur last night, and I was wondering if there was any easier way to get where I was going.
Mom: Didn't you have a map?
Me: Yeah, but there wasn't anywhere to pull over.
Mom: Yeah, Macarthur Boulevard is kind of woodsy.
Me: Plus, it was melting in the dark.
Mom: I don't know if I can make it.
Me: It took so long to bake it!
Both: And I'll never see that recipe again!

Went to this queer-youth party at some church in Bethesda-ish last night with various GSA folk. There were, to my knowledge, exactly two straight people; myself and Leerie. She danced, I danced. She danced, I played Spin the Bottle and made out with a dozen or so lesbians. And, oh, was that weird. I mentioned this to Leerie, and one of the girls whom I had recently shared tongues with said, "Oh, wait, you're not gay?" and I said no, I'm not, that's just the way the bottle spins. But she ended up giving me a long kiss goodbye when I left. Either way, I ended up smooching some boys and watching three guys swap breath mints and glow sticks.

There were two police officers there, as part of the group that arranged the whole thing. The thing about police officers is that they have handcuffs. So the S&M chick and the vampire-boy won "best team costume."

In short, one of my friends wore red glitter lipstick and I ended up wearing some, even though our lips never touched. Oh, weird.

Oh man. On Friday there was an assembly type thing for students on the honor roll. So, basically, all those who had 3.0's and above were in the gym for most of 7th period. ("I bet they'll beat us up and steal our lunch money," says I. "No, they're probably gonna seal us in there and nerve-gas the rest of the school," says Sarah.)

So, you can probably guess that this is a divine opportunity for unprecentented snarkiness.

As we walked in, we had to go through a gauntlet of high-fiving student government types and overenthusiastic seniors, then a column of pom-waving cheerleaders, then some applauding teachers. It took fifteen minutes at least for everyone to sit down. One of the vice principals and some other lady talked for a while. The vice principal talked about Rosa Parks and pens being mightier than swords but, besides that, thre was not a concrete noun to be heard. Then: the special guest. "We have a very special guest who I'm sure you'll be pleased to see!" they said. "Here he is, the manager of the local Jerry's Subs and Pizza!" He gave the school a check for $1,000 (about thirty cents per person). So we applauded. The cheerleaders danced and the jazz band played. Then: they announced that we would get new ID cards made, and with them we could get 10% off at Jerry's and some hardware store.

I swear this was all right out of some sarcastically satirical teen book/film, but it was all real. And hilarious.

People have recently found this weblog through searches for the Sims Hot Date add-on. Oh, hell. I have never, ever played that game. And as for hot dates, I may have had a few but I probably got distracted by, oh, bumper stickers that say "I'm on the Gus Bus."

Another searcher wants to know if Jian Ghomeshi, the lovely Canadian folk singer, is gay. (I say, not as long as I'm single and may soon be on the way to Toronto.)

I am spending the day baking as a homework-avoidance technique.

Last night I dreamed I was on a quiz show (more of a getting-to-know-you thing than a game-show type) and one of the questions was "If Bruce Springsteen made a quilt for you, what would you want the theme to be?"

I answered "his trip to Jamaica."

Keep in mind, I was at school for fifteen hours straight yesterday. Most of which were spent in a stuffy computer lab.

So-and-so got into Harvard, Columbia, Brown, Haverford, Elon.

I'm all nervous now. And I've still got, what, five months? Heh.

good band name: Earl Grey and the Tweed Overcoats

Fell asleep on the Metro. Woke up at Union Station and hit my head against the bar on the back of the seat. Fell asleep again around Friendship Heights and woke at Rockville. There are no trash cans and this bothers me.

and it only takes one loser to upset the delicate balance of "walk left, stand right." Bastard.

Denigodess: how's it going?
EsorYlime: it is not going.
EsorYlime: it has stopped
EsorYlime: there is no time
Denigodess: really?
EsorYlime: there is no spoon
EsorYlime: there's only us, there's only this
EsorYlime: forget regret!
Denigodess: but...but...but...
Denigodess: oh no!
EsorYlime: or life is yours to miss...
EsorYlime: lalalalaalala
Denigodess: my friend is always russian...
EsorYlime: ahahaha
EsorYlime: <--dork

meanwhile....

EsorYlime: monkey pants
Debster84: clearly. but by the theorem of oogle boogle wop bing, that's irrelevant.
EsorYlime: sure, but under Lewetsky's System of Worgle, any monkeypants is part of the firble category.
Debster84: but firbles are widely known to be oofengots, according to Snibble's Corollary to Lewetsky.
EsorYlime: Hmm, you have a point. Wait - does the inglefrogglemurfletood factor apply in this case, or are we only discussing theoretical havverflap?
Debster84: Practical havverlap is only lumptampatanical, if you go by Freed Womkklebugger's second law of esuomflomy.
EsorYlime: But that law was discredited in 19-wonkwonk-67 by Saint Ignatius Wiggle. It only applies to Canadian flamingoes now.
Debster84: True. However, recent studies show that spinkly fromaggers, when delcimaeeted by vrommian krots, responded ensomatically.
EsorYlime: Krots! Sure, but they only exist in especially frumigious environments. There's no way they could affect the twinch factor.
Debster84: Goodness, the twinch factor? That's long outdated. Haven't you heard of the Skudle elephant's mriklicious discovery of ulivlivant fromkeddlers?
EsorYlime: Wait, if they're ulivlivant, how would they survive the harsh Extrrablorgian climate?
Debster84: they've developed a special Stublemilliski effect inhibitor, to froomulate the skorgic womblers.
EsorYlime: Wow. I didn't know frumulation workes on skorgic womblers...there are so many great advances in yoophinology
Debster84: oh, absolutely. it's impressive the way skulimic melfises have really revolutionized the field of argkitonlinomics.
EsorYlime: Except on Neptune...I read that the atmosphere renders the spikworm sensors inoperable
Debster84: goodness, that's unfortunate. after all, with no sensors, the spikworms can hardly fmurliate their knartic mishfishins.
EsorYlime: and that's opperfious for the operation of the nonglagons
Debster84: but glagonity has became a more tenous characteristic since the introduction of mphonionius melgots into systems of Zeklic thought.
EsorYlime: Especially since McLoorf disproved the snat theory.
Debster84: ah, McLoorf. a veritable paragon of what a true elgonic catamolecilathrian ought to be.
EsorYlime: Indeed! Did you know he's guest lecturiating at the U of Moskendorf?
Debster84: wow. we should go. his ideas on Velvesjk znorkles are fascinating.
EsorYlime: They are! But I hear Professor Snagor at the U of M disagrees on the znorkle twibbit, there should be some arguing
Debster84: it promises to be an intriguing dialogue, especially if M.Zwankle of Twingelia decides to make an appearance
EsorYlime: then it'll be a trialogue
Debster84: ooh, even better. Still... do you really think the fomggole optk concept has no place here? I maintain that Elgish tripopsukrts are highly significant in modern Zwumf theory.
EsorYlime: They definitely are. Zwumf theory depends quite a bit on whether deengers fwabjulate, and optk often ensures that it happens
Debster84: But doesnt that, then, make it seem more certain that Quog's concept of Uyyyak smemfs applies?
EsorYlime: In certain yagel cultures, yes, but here in Wozziland the staggometry levels are too high
Debster84: well, to delfinate the staggrometry, one simply fevelizes the smook, as Enk's study of systematic Kjulikation clearly shows.
EsorYlime: Enk was on crack. Like your mom
Debster84: Eh, screw you. I cracked your mom...last night!

haircut!

eggnog!

backache!

note the presence of a new picture and link on the sidebar. Shel rocks. Give money to charity and he'll give five cents on the dollar. Go on! Give!

Oh, eugh, my dream last night disturbed me. I was driving by my old elementary school and I drove right over a severed arm that was lying in the road. It grabbed the bottom of the car and wouldn't let me move forward. So I went backwards and the hand waved at me from the road. I shuddered and drove forward again, faster, but it grabbed the car again, and again, and....eugh...

(but you know that in may I'll be out at the bookstores with the rest shelling out my mom's hard-earned cash for AP prep books)

"This is an estimate based on the postal operations plan and projected delivery time in the destinating country," says the postal service's International Postage Calculator. "Destinating!" wow! If I worked for the pseudo-governent, I would definitely have a position in the made-up words department.

Oh, no, wait, it does not cost $2.70 to mail a letter to Ontario. That would be the stupidity talking.

(plans have changed slightly, i am going to mail a package of bees instead of another piece of college-related crap)

Last night I dreamed about college. `Twas my freshman year at American University here in DC. I was rooming with Irene, another girl and two boys named Shane and Gray. Rather than a dorm, our room was a shack with two beds (which we pushed together to form what I called an "uber-bed." This bothered us not, we basically slept in a pile). Only four of us could eat in the dining hall on any given day, so we had to sign up and decide who would forego dinner. Then, we discovered that we had complete authority over our shack, so we submitted a request for skylights.

Anyway, I decided to meet Natalie on the Metro somewheres, and I started walking down Connecticut Avenue (the university being on Massachusetts Ave and the metro station I eventually reached being on Wisconsin Ave). I would look down the side streets, which were lined with uncharacteristically tall and upscale buildings and think that I ought to explore them one and all. When I got to the Metro, I found a complicated way of getting to the train: Maryland residents had to take shuttle busses, DC residents could use the escalator, and Virginians had to go through underground tunnels. I wasn't sure whether I was considered a Marylander (that being my native state) or a Washingtonian (that being where I was going to college), but I eventually ended up at another station where I saw Natalie.

Then I was on my way back. There was a jewelry counter and a lady asked me if I worked there. I said no, but that I travel by Metro a lot and could give her directions. She complained to me about misplaced jewelry. I ran up the escalator and found myself back on the street. "How'd this happen?" I asked, and a nearby man (it may have been Shane or Gray) said that I had found the secret way out of the Tenleytown Metro that bypassed the faregates - thus, a free ride.

So, like, dude.

Ben had a par-tay. `Twas extra groovy. We watched "In & Out." This was a mistake. During the scene in which all the students start announcing that they're gay, the puns began. "This is more like...gay-duation." says I. "I bet they took homo economics," says Joe. The whole orchestra announced their gayness, and "There's the homorchestra!" says I.

Anyway, on the "I'm a pathetic dork" newsfront, my new favorite comeback is "I am rubber and your mom is glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sleeps with your mom."

Here's an internet quiz I actually found pretty cool.

If I were a work of art, I would be Pablo Picasso's Three Musicians. I am colourful and provoking, always looking to break out of the mould and to pioneer new ways of doing things. I have a jaunty outlook and although I am a bit weird, most people have some idea what I'm about. Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

No, wait, "Surrender Dorothy" is back. In yellow!

On a plumber's truck: "We come so you can go!"

Badness, the "Surrender Dorothy" by the Mormon Temple has been painted out. Wizard of Oz references are such a D.C. icon, dude. Way to drive off the tourists.

Reasons why my law class is groovy:

- Big shouting match on the death penalty today. Heh. Very loud. Logical fallacies abound. Our teacher is not ashamed of being more liberal than the rest of us. She always lets Gus have the final comment because he will agree with her.
- We started discussing curfew laws, and there was a diagram on the board of "people in favor of curfew laws" and "people against curfew laws." And our teacher wrote "losers" on the supporting side.
- The curfew law in question said that minors could be out at night if they were attending a "planned community activity." The Takoma Park Pot Festival counts. So do any parties Adam throws, if the mayor ends up passed out in the bathroom.
- "The curfew law restricts our First Amendment rights!" says Gus. "What??" says the teacher. "Freely assemble!" says Gus. "But it's not like they're stopping you from protesting," says the teacher. "No way!" says I. "If I wanna go to a protest march at two in the morning, I'll be arrested!" "What are you gonna protest at 2 in the morning?" says the teacher. "Curfew laws, obviously," says Gus and I.
- "Maybe we need a movie Friday this week. And, um, a Movie Wednesday next week. And then another Movie Friday to finish the one from Wednesday..."
- Heh. Then we watched "The Pelican Brief" with Denzel "hot liquid man cake" Washington. A couple of girls have not yet stopped shrieking.

Anyway, tonight was the "elegant dinner" at work, which is a secret code word for "incredibly hectic."

maybe i am dumb, but...
what is a Tier 1 school? `twas in the comments on a Natalie's blog entry, and I wish to know. Someone tell this unenlightened college-bound child

Anyway, I went to the dollar store to get multiple cheap presents for my friend Ben. My strategy was: Peruse the toy/candy/whatever shelves and find as much weird shit as possible. Then, put it all in a box. Also: he receives a gift certificate for a free ride with Joe's mom. ("the whorehouse called...they're running out of YOUR MOM!")

And the GSA meeting was fun today. We decided to take a break from all our activism and partying planning and play a game. Everyone gets a piece of paper and someone picks a random dictionary word and everyone writes down the first things that come to mind. Then, papers are crumpled into balls and we have a Snowball Fight. Then, we read the papers and try to guess who wrote each one. The first time we opened the dictionary, the word-picker put her randomized finger right on "gay" and we did not stop laughing for several minutes. Then the word was "Poland" and we misread "snowy" as "thong" (don't ask how) and got into some badness concerning Polish sausage. fun stuff.

Oh, and Yetta came to visit. You cannot ever be disdainful about Montgomery College students as long as Yetta is among them.

AND THEN JOE SHOWED UP

and the point of this entry is, what?

Today, the band would be called "Snap-on Bombs" or, alternately "Clementine Pants." and they would have to perform a capella punk.

Nick 42160: like if god was a bomb made of ninjas

I mean...wow!

I really want a rock band to manipulate at will. Today they would be called "The Smiling Violins" and have to wear black turtlenecks.

...and "snarky" is my new favorite word

...and with that whole rant about the anti-community-college mentality: a rant about people who complain that their SAT score is "only around a 1350, 1400 tops." Because:
1) it is on a 1600 point scale. the national average hovers around 1000.
2) it is just a stupid number that is one of the least important factors on your college apps. which matter, of course. and yes, the score, to some extent matters because of them. but, really. Mister Score is not the thing that matters. go write a good essay, punk, and
3) i think you are not complaining, you are bragging. or, alternately, you wish to invoke my anger.

just because we are the smart honors/AP/IB/magnet/CAP ones gives us no right.

(not directed at anyone personally, just in general. no getting pissed or hurt or sending killer robots lasers a-lasin'.)

Deb and I have this weird mental wavelength. I will be thinking something and suddenly be surprised to find that she says the exact same thing. Example: in her blog, she writes: But that's my fault for being self-conscious which I read as "subconscious." Her next sentence? I definitely just almost typed "subconscious."

NamamuP: product concept:
NamamuP: transformer underwear
EsorYlime: whoa
NamamuP: now it's a pair of briefs - and now it's a robot to fix your car!
EsorYlime: dude!
NamamuP: it may look like a bra, but press this button and it's a flying personal defence robot, with lasers _and_ plasma missiles
EsorYlime: wow!
EsorYlime: i'm not sure how close you would want one of those to your heart
NamamuP: boxers, you say? at first glance, yes - but look, now it's a submarine!
EsorYlime: or your crotch
NamamuP: hmm, true
NamamuP: malfunctions could be ugly
EsorYlime: maybe the sock market is better
EsorYlime: hahaah
EsorYlime: sock market
NamamuP: haha
NamamuP: hahaha
NamamuP: if you don't have any socks, you're... bear
NamamuP: or is that just bull?
EsorYlime: bears don't wear socks...
EsorYlime: you're horrible, anyway
EsorYlime: into the punishment jar!
EsorYlime: get it? pun-ishment?
EsorYlime: ...so blogging this

NamamuP: what do you steal from the cathedral? holy water?
EsorYlime: money
EsorYlime: employees's stuff
NamamuP: oh
NamamuP: that's not interesting
NamamuP: i was hoping, like, god's wallet
EsorYlime: jesus
EsorYlime: "dude, look what i got"
EsorYlime: "oh, man, prodigal son!"
NamamuP: "drop the savior and come out slowly!"
EsorYlime: "arms out!"
EsorYlime: ("jesus loves you thiiiis much" gesture)

Also: I have not been able to stop singing "Hey Jude." (the man of greatness will be missed)

Anyway, interesting day.

Interview with a Bryn Mawr alumna, chatting and coffee with various alumnae (my command of latin impresses me). It went well. But...I dunno. I mean, all the alumnae were wonderfully outgoing and friendly and confident but they werent's really like me. Whatever, I gotta visit and then I'll decide.

I think...that "The Snarky Comments" would be a great band name.

Eeee, two hours away from my interview with Bryn Mawr. Then, meeting some people in Bethesda for fun and frolicking. (Social life! Dude!)

Eep, it's clean-the-house day and Mom is vacuuming the lampshades. Urk.